Hello Readers!
Today’s post is something I’ve been wanting to write for a while. I have been working on my inner voice a lot, specifically on how I speak to myself. Given my upbringing this voice used to be very negative, mean, and insulting. I have realized over time that things shouted at me as a child from my abuser became my normal internal monologue over time. Changing the way I speak to myself has been really freeing. When I mess up or have a moment that I need to grow in, I can now say I often opt to treat myself with grace, patience and understanding. Being mean to myself does not serve me in any way. It does not make the situation better, and it does not make me feel better. So I simply don’t do it anymore. But hearing that, you might wonder how I was able to change this behavior? That’s what we’ll jump into now :)
So your brain is mean to you? You often see the negatives before the positives? You remind yourself what you are doing wrong before how far you’ve come? It’s ok. Whether your rude inner voice is a product of abuse, depression, anxiety, trauma or something else – I wish for you to know that it doesn’t have to stay this way. You can (and hopefully will) take the time and steps to improve this voice.
The first step (and ideally if you are reading this you’ve already done so) is observing that the tone and what your inner voice is saying is not making you feel good, or is not helping.
If you find yourself saying...
I'm so bad at ___.
This situation would be better without me.
Useless... Why can't I do anything right?
These are some example thoughts, but essentially you are looking and trying to observe thoughts that aren’t helpful. None of the above are in a frame where they wish to address or fix the problem at hand. None of these challenge whether that problem is real, or simply perceived through a lens of anxiety.
I'm so bad at ___. Would be a helpful thought as: I have room to grow in this area.
Even if you are bad at something, you are worthy of your own patience and grace, especially if it's something you are new at.
This situation would be better without me. can be rephrased to I bring unique gifts to the table.
This thought has no truth to it. Has someone told you a situation is better without your presence? Or are you assuming this because you cannot see your own worth and impact? This is the kind of thought I would recognize and say "I don't have any proof that this thought is true" let it go and move on. I understand that might be hard for someone new to building a better inner voice. Another a possible, more neutral rephrasing could be: I will look for feedback about my position in this situation and move forward from there.Useless... Why can't I do anything right? becomes I make mistakes because I'm human. My job is to learn from this experience.
Observing your thoughts, questioning if they’re true is an important skill to build. In the words of my wonderful new therapist, “We are often our own worst critics.” Recognizing this, and then clapping back to your bad thoughts, deciding if they are true or not is the first step. The second is coming up with a rephrasing, so when this thought or a similar one comes back – because it will, your inner voice is something that needs training, it won’t change in one thought. When those thoughts come back, it’s helpful to have a new affirmation, in your arsenal.
When I am sitting down to update or write new affirmations I ask myself this question. Let it be your compass, so to speak.
Right now as I ask myself this question I reflect on situations I’ve been going through recently and what I wish to happen differently. It also helps that I’m a tarot reader, with the daily pulls I do, sometimes I’ll simply ask “What do I need to channel more of?” The affirmations I’m coming up with today will be surrounding building patience, being more flexible and listening better. I’m at a crossroads in my life. I have a very go-getter attitude that can sometimes be aggressive. Due to my own impatience I often take action instead of giving others a chance to contribute or change the board. I get wrapped up in my head about a desired outcome and lose out on potential connection and outcomes I can’t even fathom that might even be better than the one I desire. I’m having trouble being ok with a “might” vs a guarantee if I had stepped in.
The question for when I notice my impatience: Why are you rushing? Is there an immediate need to do so?
The affirmation for when I notice my impatience is: Slow down. I know that good things take time.
The question for when I notice my inflexibility: Am I allowing my expectations to hinder an outcome?
The affirmation for when I notice inflexibility is: I can let things play out without interfering. They may turn out better than I can imagine.
The question for when I notice I’m dismissive: Why don’t I believe this person/situation? Is there a good reason you aren’t giving them/it the time of day?
The affirmation for when I notice I’m dismissive or not listening is: If I care about this person I should see what they have to say. (or for situation: If I care about this situation I should be open to learning from this experience.)
My affirmation for moving forward on all these counts is: I am a wonderful listener who is patient and flexible in all that they do.
I hope that you inner critic feels your wrath after reading this post and taking steps to soften it.
To end off this post I thought I’d share some affirmations I’ve used before or that I really resonate with.
Money comes to me easily & frequently
I know I am loved, protected, and guided by my ancestors for my highest good
I am open to shedding limiting beliefs
Maktub - from one of my favorite books, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Translates to “It is written”
My success is inevitable - from the lovely Bria Jones
… And that’s a wrap! Thank you for reading this far and let me know in the comments down below or on my insta what your favorite affirmation is.