My internship ended and I did start and my first freelance job. I have been doing freelance work since. It’s tumultuous and trying right now. I have a “100% job success rate”(a system by upwork) which I have worked incredibly hard for but have been having a hard time. For one, my main project/source of income is capped at 10hrs a week. I cannot live on just that so I am constantly having to seek secondary income to survive. I have had my fair share of weeks of starving, and am sick of it.
School is taking a huge toll on me. I am doing terribly in one class, borderline on another and exceptionally well in the last 3. I am still mending my sleep schedule and attempting to exercise more. Today I did 17/30 min workout before I couldn’t anymore and became extremely sluggish. I fell asleep at my desk (and somehow ended up in bed (I work from home and rent a room where I reside so everything is in one place)??). I missed both classes due to the small setback. I am trying to be better, even if it doesn’t look like it. Yesterday I had a very long heart to heart with my partner about my life. They are the wisest person, I swear. They always know what I need, and lucky for me they don’t sugar coat. I need the hard truth so I can move forward accordingly. They gifted me the affirmation: I deserve better. My life will be great. One step at a time. I have been trying to be nicer to myself. It’s hard. It’s so easy to beat myself up when I mess up because I am the only one to blame. I am so kind to others but cannot seem to impart the same kindness to me, until now. I’m sure it will become easier with time. I don’t love myself. It’s something I’ve got to work on. I am afraid of failing, being nothing more than a quitter and doomed to be unhappy the rest of my life, as my father would say. My partner thinks anytime I am in doubt or upset to ask myself what they would say. The exercise has helped me realize my internal hate monologue stems from my deadbeat dad. Changing how you think is arduous, but I am doing it for the immense peace and benefits after successfully shifting.
Right now I am coding my own website from scratch. Brushing back up on HTML because my partner might try to get their company to hire me!! I want to do my very best because they are sticking their neck out for me, and I appreciate it. Still working on my client’s project, but I am bound by an NDA so my lips are sealed. I scrapped the PAPP (women targeted app I mentioned in the last post) but instead, this summer will try to work on my first idea for an app ever, so stay tuned!
Thank you to anyone reading this. I enjoy comments, advice, but please be constructive and not an ass. Till next time.
The above is actually the first steps I took in bringing together the very website you are visiting today! How time flies.